Days 5 & 6 – More coupons…

All this exploration requires equipment. I decided I needed underwear and since things are so much cheaper here and since there are so many places to shop I thought now is the time.

My guide Mom told me there is a place called Kohls that she has a 30 % coupon off everything you purchase. She is what is known as a preferred customer so she gets sent special deals. Well I thought this was a great opportunity to buy other things like jeans, t-shirts, some socks, perhaps even a pair of shoes. We drove a bit of a distance…. aka about 15 minutes ….and much to my surprise I liked what I saw. I began filling my arms with things that I needed and things that I wanted. My Mom was constantly by my side pointing out things that were on sale so that I could use her discount on things that were also discounted. This means I am getting items on sale, on sale! I was wondering how that is even possible. 30% of something that is 50% off…. And when you start seeing all these deals it causes you to ask yourself things like: “Well do I even need silk boxers?” No… but when you calculate that they were 25 dollars, then marked down 50 % plus knock off Mom’s 30 % Preferred Discount thingy well I am no mathemetician but what does that come to – 4 or 5 dollars? HELL YEAH, I NEED SILK BOXERS! Well after a long process of deciding what to purchase we finally made it to the check out. Which is when the cashier informed us that our coupon was only good on Wednesdays and Thursdays which are what are referred to as Preferred Customer Shopping days. HOWEVER, today there ARE sale items AND ALSO TODAY if we purchased over forty dollars we get a 10 dollar bonus off PASS for our next purchase EVEN if it is on Wednesday or Thursday and EVEN if we use our Preferred Customer Discount card BUT we could only use the 10 dollar bonus pass coupon between the 18th and 21st. I sat there scratching my head not even knowing what the date was today. Good Lord I just wanted to buy a pair of underwear.

Okay now here is where things start getting complicated.

My Mom who, clearly, I was learning, is an expert at these discount coupon situations asked: “Now can we purchase the items today than come back on Wednesday and get the discount taken off?”

This did not phase the wise cashier who said: “Oh yes, you can” BUT we would have to bring the items back and return them, then repurchase them again, however, be warned, some of the items we buy today which are on sale may not be on sale on Wednesday. So it is a gamble.

I looked back at my Mom

My Mom smiled and squinted her eyes. This was clearly not her first coupon stand off. She turned to me and said: “You know I think I have a coupon for Target in the car, we could try there.”

I did not know what to say….my Mom looked back to see if the cashier was breaking…. Nothing.

I kept looking back and forth to see who would make the next move. It was like a coupon tennis match.

The cashier then smiled and said: “May I ask if you have a Kohls credit card? You get an additional 20 % off your first purchase, that is also a good way to save.”

Which is when I pulled my Mom aside. “NO MOM, NO – we do not need to sign up for a credit card, I mean, really, this is too much, I just wanted underwear and now I am so nervous I need to go to the bathroom. Please, let’s just go.”

This was when I was informed by my Mother that she applies for these credit cards all the time. She gets the card, uses the discount than walks directly over to the customer service area, pays off the balance that she just charged with cash and then destroys the card when she gets it in the mail.

I was so confused and scared and frustrated I just said no. “NO, I DO NOT WANT THESE UNDERWEAR!”

We left the store, after I used the bathroom, which upon exiting I was certain I saw my Mom making one last attempt at bartering for a discount deal. I was worried things might get hostile. I had no idea what happened there but my Mother left more determined than ever to find the cheapest underwear in town. When we got to the car she told me of a place called Steinmart which has good deals on the weekend and every Friday and in the newspaper they put out coupons for their Saturday Sale. Plus they give out free hot dogs and soda with every purchase of 10 dollars or more. Apparently this is where we are going on Saturday.

I am so tired.

I may not get any underwear or the underwear I wanted but I think there is a hot dog in my future and I really do not like hot dogs and seeing as it is Texas I feel certain they will have no tofu dog.

Survivor Baker Elf Ken Surviving in Texas.